Untimely passing's

In the last few months two passing's have occurred.  Although the reasons are very, very different in reason and reality, they are both tragic that my heart aches for everyone involved to know the futures that have been dashed away.

The most recent, is a situation that I honestly could not think of being any more painful.   However, words cannot express how beautiful, moving and spiritual  the services held for my cousin Jared Alan Johansen from my father's side of the family 10/14/1984-11/30/2011

http://www.pleasantonweekly.com/obituaries/memorials/jared-alan-johansen?o=1542

I will forever be in awe of his loving family including his wife, brothers, mother and father.  It was such a dichotomy of enlightenment and pain to see the hardship and peace his passing brought about. I will always remember and honor him.  http://jaredjohansenlegacy.com/  and http://vimeo.com/33267736 are precious ways to keep his memory alive and help his young family.

The second death was also that of my cousin, Thomas Daniel Perkins from my mom's side of the family 9/24/1985- 9/19/2011   http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/concordmonitor/obituary.aspx?n=thomas-daniel-perkins&pid=153776376

Tom passed away under very different circumstances and had dealt with a mental illness for quite some time before his passing.  His death brought many memories of family trips and childhood to a forefront for myself.  I also attended his memorial which was an art gallery of his work along with hundreds if not a thousand people that came to support the family from the community of Plymouth, New Hampshire- I was in awe of his parents Dan & Jill along with his younger brother Andy to have such composure during the difficult time.

In the wake of these two events, people that truly never deserve pain, suffering or loss in their lives are suffering and it's breaking my heart to know that it will not be easily resolved and that they will continue to mourn the losses for the rest of their lives.

Jared's wife Tiffany has the sweetest soul that I think I have ever known- literally from the first time we met, she was open, honest and beyond words and was grounded with life, nature and love.  Hugging her on Tuesday morning and then listening to her speak and watching her throughout the services was breathtaking- she is so strong and the strength she had was beyond this earth.  It simply was beyond anything I have ever seen.

After Tom's passing, I often thought to myself e-mail Tiffany, she may have some advice on coping with a sudden death due to her brother Michael's passing years before.  I never e-mailed her and I know in my heart that I was being 'prepped' for Jared's passing by my thoughts and feelings insisting I reach out to both Jared and Tiffany.  Promptings do not happen often for me, but I know that I should have listened and followed through and will strive to do better

A beautiful rendition of Josh Groban's To Where you Are was sung at the cemetery by a family friend Cassidy Clark the lyrics make me cry and it was truly a moment that will be with me forever

I love both of you and pray for the day when we as a family can be together again

I also wanted to reference the blogs of Camille, my Uncle Alan's niece that was able to eloquently put into words and photos the events that have unfolded as a result of Jared's passing, please read these posts.

I've had many tears flow as a result of watching and reliving these moments and realizing there is still happiness and hope within our lives.

http://benandcamille.blogspot.com/2011/12/forever-changed.html 

http://benandcamille.blogspot.com/2012/01/here-with-us.html

Updates, Updates

#1 Lo and I are now married, not much has changed.  I had a feeling life would be similar to our previous non-married committed  life.  I have found out though that Lo is more fixated on the title than I am, in regards to what it means to his family and people's perceptions, which makes me feel a little guilty for not wanting to be married sooner.
#2 The process of diagnosing my mom with cancer happened this past week 5 years ago, which also coincidentally is when my wonderful Lo and I started dating.  I don't think I could ever praise Lo and my Mom enough for all of the love they have brought to my life and those they know.
#3 I thought I was pregnant a few weeks ago, could have been a honeymoon baby, after five years that would have been funny :) But alas I'm not, but it made Lo and I realize that we are closer to wanting children then previously known..
#4 Our wonderful cat Pumpkin, who I wrote about last blog, disappeared again, it's been weeks now, and everyday I miss her.  It truly doesn't feel like home without her and she is no where to be found.
#5 House Robbery is not something I want to experience ever again. Nor is a landlord that makes everything more difficult than it has to be.  But the silver lining was seen later, in knowing that the landlord cared and wanted to make our home safer.
#6 I enjoy nature and had a fantastic time on our Cancun adventure honeymoon, Dude Ranch Family Vacation and growing our garden- the little things make life worth it.
#7 A decision on where we are going to live is pending, but it may be closer to the picture directly below :)

A few favorites- sadly I've been a bum and have yet to get all of our wedding photos from my sweet sister and friends 

Love for my Pumpkin

I have always been an animal lover and overtime have gained more appreciation for animals and how they provide comfort and happiness in our lives.  So when my cat, Pumpkin went missing I was distraught.  I cried, We worried, We searched, I posted lost ads, I called vet offices, We looked at the animal shelter (which also made me cry to know I couldn't be a caretaker to all of the sweet animals)  After five days of unknown and worry, Logan and I were in the backyard calling her name late one night and we heard a meow and knew it was her.  We listened closely and realized it was coming from a shed in the backyard.  After frantically unlocking the door and moving items, we found her crouched in a corner.  Our kitty hadn't left us but instead was merely 50 feet away from our house, trapped.  She was frightened and hungry but is alive.  I keep going through different outcomes in my mind, which is causing me guilt. I feel the outcome could not have been better and I am so grateful to have my pumpernickel in my life along with a man that cares as much as I do about animals.

Oh and random moment, I saw Donny Osmond yesterday and I am 

99.9% positive he's had some work done, his skin was stretched unnaturally taut.

Wedding

I have been engaged to my wonderful Lo for about 2 years and 8 months, and we have been 'together/dating' since the end of July 2006 so 4.5 years roughly.  People often ask why we are not married yet and truth be told there are a number of reasons including- timing with my mom's health and the birth of two adorable babies that would have made it nearly impossible for their parents to attend the wedding.
Then I think to myself, those are specific, truthful reasons for the long engagement but I also know that my own anxiety of planning a wedding plays a large role and the fact that I like not conforming to society and more notably 'Utahs' perception of who and what one needs to do and in what order.  Logan and I are committed to each other and love one another.  So why would/do I allow myself to be influenced by society and it's perceptions of what is acceptable.  Family members and friends close to us understand the decision we have made and accept us with love.  However, it seems more difficult to be honest with other family and friends.  There is still a sense of keeping up pretense for pretense sake which makes it tough for me to feel at peace with relationships when I know that there is a judgement just for living our lives in a way that works for us.  All these thoughts over the last 3 years lead to the fact that we have indeed chosen a wedding date of June 10th, 2011 in a beautiful outdoor park in Northern Utah.  I'm excited and am currently enjoying the planning process and even trying on dresses this past weekend :)
However, I can't help but think am I caving into society's influence and ideas of what is appropriate?  This past weekend, a family member, while telling many members of my family about the wedding location and etc., asked repeatedly so is the ceremony also at this park?   I know the underlying questions was about being stunned that a temple wedding had not been chosen.  I was thinking to myself have I really been misleading about our lifestyle and choices to lead someone to believe that a temple marriage was my/our goal or personal choice?  Of course, I realize I haven't been misleading and in turn I shouldn't allow people's perceptions of what they consider appropriate to be the only choice for anyone in this vast world.  My life choices or lack thereof in some people's opinions shouldn't be a factor in making me feel less than what I know I am striving to be in my own life and my life with Logan.

hello, hello.. oh there you are, now where's my flight?

Haha- I am sitting in front of my computer making myself laugh at the silliest things today, because I am quite delirious.  If no one has heard- the travel industry has gone crazy due to Northeast Weather- I'm talking 20 inches of snow and high gusts of winds on Sunday 12/26 and Monday 12/27... so little me that wants to enjoy Christmas with my family decides to go to St. George with Lo and have a marvelous time- I just LOVE my family- they always bring me back to reality and keep me smiling. I get back 12/26, Sunday night and wow there are cancellations for Jetblue! and I mean crazy cancellations, like 40,000 displaced customers on our airline alone, so I decided to go to bed and worry about it the next day.  Monday, our wait time rarely dropped below 40 minutes with 1000+ calls waiting to be answered and today we received an e-mail that in total we cancelled reservations for 123,000+ travelers, and I think I personally have spoken to what feels like half of them.. I feel like the walking dead!  Oh and I just read there were 10,000+ bags stranded.  Hopefully, the call volumes drop and fingers crossed no more cancellations or delays for both customer service and airport crewmembers. I am astonished to realize how many people/vacations/family get-togethers/doctor appts were displaced due to snow and wind.  I for one am grateful I work in my basement and don't have to drive in that mess.  I'm also glad that my overtime hours are helping me pay off my credit card!
I wrote this weeks ago now- meaning to add pictures of the crazy weather but forgot about it until I wanted to 'blog' about something else and thought why not post this also.
It feels like life has been on repeat with my job and no end in site.  There have been FOUR additional irregular operations since Dec 26th including the current one happening in New York and Boston with 150 plus flight cancellations and more overtime!  As a sidenote JB lost 30 million dollars in revenue with just the December IROP- joy for profit sharing :(  I had empathy and even sympathy with and for the Christmas IROP travelers but now people seem to be just as tired of the weather and think we enjoy not getting them to their destinations.  I don't know how many times I've had to say unfortunately nature is just not cooperating with the east coast this month and yes it is snowing in New York have you looked outside and no we are not cancelling flights becuase of last weeks weather- it's another storm- enjoy :) And  now today after a few days of sunny but cold weather it snowed here in Utah. When will this winter ever end and am I willing to continue living in a place that has such crappy weather for 6 months out of the year??  However, it could be worse- New Hampshire was -35 degrees a few days ago!