Excitement and pondering of moments past

I finished work training! Since November 3rd I have had a hectic schedule let alone what has been Fall 2009. I've been driving from Bountiful to Ogden to South-East Salt Lake and back to Bountiful numerous times each week to get to yesterday and my graduation :) :)

A feeling of accomplishment came over me as I drove away from training- knowing I considered quitting my job over not being able to change the dates of training, to worrying about school and missing one class FOUR times in a row as a result of the training. However the biggest stress was not knowing if I was going to see my mom during the last two weeks and know that she was healthy and going to be ok to go back to work. Which unfortunately is quickly approaching-- next Monday November 23rd, 2009.



I'm going to pause a moment on that thought and vocalize how I feel a bit


My mom going back to work is worrying me so much- the fact that this past fall could reoccur so easily and not have a positive outcome like it has had. The doctor said she wouldn't be able to have another heart valve transplant again.. (i.e.- to much tissue was removed to make it viable in the future at least for the mitral valve).. this thought has me pondering on all of the unmistakable good fortune that I and my family have had over the last few years..


I was wearing my Hunstman Cancer Institute-A Reason to Hope bracelet and one of my co-workers at training asked about it and I proceeded to explain my connection to the Cancer Institute and once again realized that I am not alone in my experiences of having a loved one with cancer- it's fairly common and it makes me sad for all of us and hope that one day a cure can be found to spare people from being consummed by this unforgiving disease


I am also thankful for the moments I have in this life with those I do love- I cannot begin to say enough how much I appreciate all of my family and extended family friends that reached out and supported me during such a rough time in my life


I am happy to say that my mom is healthy

procrastination

Today I feel many things....and know I should be doing completely different things....

I need to catch up on sleep yet Logan is the one taking a nap- which he deserves :)

I need to focus on not getting sick yet my nose is stuffed and I have a headache that's quite persistent

I need to work on my homework and I have made an effort but seem completely

useless when it comes to writing something that's coherent regarding the

Congo Basin let alone three pages worth

I need to work out all of the frustration I have when I think of certain people and their actions or lack thereof

I need to go to the doctor and stop pretending everything is OK when I think my body is trying to tell me something

I need to focus on school and give it more attention

I need to focus on working at my job to earn a bit more money and feel like I can do all of the things I am daydreaming about :)


While all of the above is quite apparent to me and would seem easy enough to resolve, I can't seem to commit to any of the answers I already know would resolve the problem or issue. I really feel like I can handle it all but then I start making decisions that completely undo my progress of late

Self-sabotage is the worst crime against oneself